Three.

A fitting number to say the least.

My life's goal is to conquer - to vanquish - to overcome these beasts.

But will I?...

That remains to be seen.

And so it was that the first of the demons came - born of loss.

Of innocence, of faith, of peace. All within the confines of the heart.

This demon, seeped in sadness, clings to my brother.

Engulfing him like a cloud of despair.

It eats away at his stomach and he walks upright with it upon his back.

Their claws digging into him.

And at his core, my brother is but a child.

Yet he carries the weight of the world upon him.

I walk with a measured step for fear of the beast lurking behind his eyes.

I sit in my bed now and attempt to define this werebeast.

Furry and fearless. It is like a cornered animal.

It looks mad and wild, lashing out at everything.

Erupting like a volcano. Pouncing upon on us like a furious panther.

It is covered in flames of anger and anguish.

It knows no equal. It devastates everyone in its path.

My father lays crumpled on the floor, defeated by the demon.

My mother stoic. Stands her ground against it.

Anger reflecting in her eyes in defiance.

And me.

Facing the beast.

Knowing not to run or hide.

Just to talk calmly with an even tone.

I will sadly never know how to slay this beast. But I can quell its fire.

With an icy resolve.

But I'm not without my own demons.

Possessed I am by the worst of them.

One which bends my reality.

It is a shadow monster. It is one that can manifest itself as pain.

I walk with it at my feet.

Every step it clings to me like a lost lover.

It whispers into my mind depraved thoughts.

And though they are disgusting, evil, and inappropriate.

Overall unwanted thoughts...

I realize now though that it makes me a better person.

I first came face to face with my shadow self in the Philippines.

It had convinced me of greatness.

It had convinced me that my own uncle wished me harm.

For I had believed my uncle wanted what I had.

Which wasn't much.

But the paranoia was a thing of nightmares.

Luckily, I was built to withstand this creature. Or so I thought.

Truth is I'll never truly understand it. No one will.

I asked my uncle a simple question...

"What is in your pocket, Tito Mac?"

Those few words were my salvation.

He brought out from his pocket, a set of keys.

Where the demon had made me to believe he meant to gut me.

I knew then something was very wrong.

Like my brother after me.

I knew then a moment of peace.

After the worst had been drawn out of my soul.

For that is where my demon resides. Close to the true self.

It haunts me like clouds on a sunny autumn day.

But it also gives shape to the shapeless light.

How do I describe my monster.

It is a lover.

Of chaos.

Of pain.

Of sadness.

Of despair.

Of company.

Of loss.

For with it. I had learned the death of the boy I had been.

Now I have earned my place as a young man.

I was no longer innocent of the ways of the world.

My demon is intangible, ghastly, ugly and perfectly beautiful.

It is a walking talking paradox. It is both very real and completely fake.

Then there is my father's demon. A beast like no other.

It is the mirror beast.

My father's past is smothered by this ever present being.

That lurks in the mirror.

And in my mind's eye. It blinds my father from his true self.

Reduces him to a child of no more than seven years.

Father is fearful, full of fawning and fateless futility.

Fainting, forsaken and feeble.

I know nothing on how this monster sneaked into our lives.

Without us noticing.

It strips my father of all his physical and mental strength.

It left him crippled on the floor.

For these demons work together to tear my family apart.

And it is why I took it upon myself to write this book.

Of signs to exorcise these demons. I write on these blank pages.

To make circles where I can to close those haunting spirits within.

To study them.

For without understanding these vicious beasts.

They will know no bounds.

And perhaps my writing will reach the eyes or ears of other victims.

And they to may take up arms.

And become...

A Diabolist.